Spoiled, Broken..Healing

Ayen, 36, is a Business Management graduate. She works as finance officer at an Information Technology (IT) consultancy firm.
She lives in Marikina City.

Her Story 

I am an only child. So, when I was young, everything was easy.   I always got what I wanted.

Growing up, I did what Catholics do—pray, go to church every Sunday. I even studied in a Catholic school.

But I did these things out of sheer obligation. I went to church because my mom, who was very religious, told me so,  and our school required students to attend Mass.

I did not have a deep, personal relationship with God. Although I went to church every Sunday, I felt that my faith was not as strong as it should be. Even when I was married in a Catholic church.

Straying Away

In 2008, my life turned upside down. That year, my husband left me. So, all by myself, I had to raise our son.  He was diagnosed as suffering Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), having trouble focusing on tasks and subjects. Thus, he was difficult to take care of.

The following year, in 2009, my mother passed away.

To forget my misfortunes, I turned to alcohol. Because I had become an alcoholic, I was not exactly the kind of person you’d want to live with. I was always angry, bitter, resentful, simply filled with pain.

I quarrelled with my dad who, perhaps also burdened with life’s blows, got seriously ill. My father has a daughter from a previous relationship. I didn’t relate well with my half-sister, either.

Self-centered, I didn’t care much about my relatives and friends, so one by one, I lost them.

Neither was I the kind you’d like to work with. Impatient and selfish, I had practically turned off my officemates. So one day, I just had to quit my job. And since I was jobless, my finances dwindled.

The times when I was financially struggling, people close to me did not trust me anymore. I had no credibility.

In short, my life was simply one big mess.

I asked God, “Why me?”

I questioned Him so bad that I sounded like I was challenging Him.

I rebelled against my fate. I went on dates and had relationships even with married men.

Finding The Feast

I was so broken, I felt like I needed inner healing. Then, in March, 2014, someone invited me to attend Feast Quezon City. And this was when all the good changes in my life began.

At first, I felt awkward attending The Feast. Since I’d messed up my life, I was like,  “Do I really deserve to be here?”

But people at The Feast warmly welcomed me. In time I found out there’s a Feast in Marikina where I live, so I decided to attend there.

The Worship session renewed my faith in God. I began to believe that God indeed is a Healer and that no matter what happens, He would accept me and fight my battles with me.

The inspiring talks have pierced through my heart of stone, making it a heart of love.

Back to the Church

At The Feast, I have been reminded that the Catholic Faith is powerful. Because I’ve been accepted at The Feast, I’ve been reminded our Church does not judge people. It embraces sinners and reaches out to the unchurched wholeheartedly– as God has embraced His people without condition.

My life is not perfect but I know that through The Feast my healing is now in progress. Up to now, yes, I am still struggling but I know with the grace of God I will be healed.

Today, I serve God by being a member of the Food Ministry of Feast Bluewave Marikina.

With friends at The Feast you’ll feel like you’re family. You feel incomplete whenever you miss one Feast Sunday. Despite your busy schedule, you always look forward to attending The Feast, because at The Feast, you really feel God’s love.

It is true what they say– that The Feast is the happiest place on Earth.