Amor Cubilan and her husband, Rustum lived on the beautiful surfing island of Siargao in Surigao del Norte. They have two sons, Francis Nico, now 23 years old, and Franz Rusmor, 20.
Amor became a widow at age 28. Her husband, a police officer, was killed in an encounter between the police and a rebel group.
Now 45, Amor works as sales representative at Instrumix Supplies Inc. and resides with her sons in General Trias, Cavite.
A longtime church servant, she stopped going to church when a massive blow in life hit her squarely and knocked her down.
When I found out about my husband’s death, I didn’t know what to think or feel. A plain housewife back then with two sons to feed and send to school, I surrendered everything to the Lord.
I told God, You took him too soon. What do I do now? How will the kids and I survive? Where will I find work? From now on, You will be my partner. I know the boys and I will get through this with You on our side. Just be with us, guide us, Lord.
That was my prayer. My husband and I were active members of Couples for Chirst in our town in Del Carmen, Siargao. With the support of my spiritual community, I faced this major blow in my life with tenacity.
Eventually, we moved to Surigao City where I found a job as an administrative officer at the Department of Public Works and Highways (DPWH). I continued to serve this time at the local parish church in the city. I actively attended our weekly prayer meeting. I became group leader and was even giving talks sometimes. I loved being with my Good Shepherd Community.
But after four years at DPWH, I lost my job.
I decided to try my luck in the National Capital Region (NCR). With my kids in tow, I went to Angono, Rizal, where my brother lived. New ad-dress, new life. This time, I got into direct selling and became a Mary Kay agent.
I still went to church on Sundays but unlike in Mindanao where I came from, I didn’t have a faith community in Rizal. I began to miss community life.
In 2009, something new and exciting happened to me. I got a job in Cavite as Human Resource (HR) officer at an electronics company there. And so, we moved out of Rizal and into Cavite in no time.
I thought my string of luck would continue but unfortunately, after a few years, just when we were settled in our new home, to lower its labor expense, my company decided to lay off its old regular employees to hire new ones from an agency. I was part of its regular labor force and so I was chucked off too.
I turned my brunt on God. I blamed Him for my misfortunes. I ranted about my husband’s death. I wanted to find a partner in life. It’s the one thing I was praying for ever since my husband’s death. It wasn’t easy raising two boys. They needed a father. I can’t be a mother and a father to them. But God did not answer my prayer. Why won’t He grant my simple prayer?
God won’t grant that simple prayer and then He takes away our family’s source of income. I couldn’t understand what God wanted me to do. Was He punishing me? Was He playing favorites? If so, I wasn’t His favorite considering the circumstances I was in. No husband, no job with two mouths to feed and raise by myself.
From then on, I went on strike. I stopped going to church, I stopped reading the Scripture and I stopped praying altogether. I couldn’t find it in my heart to speak to Him or call on His name. I was too angry at God.
Finding The Feast
In a few years, I found Bro. Bo Sanchez’s page on Facebook. I got curious and started reading his page. Interesting, I said to myself, and easily he won my “like.” Right there and then, I felt the urge to serve God again. Next thing I knew, I was sending Bro. Bo a message.
I’d like to serve again. How?
Maybe he’ll answer, maybe not. It doesn’t matter, I thought.
But I did get a reply: Go to The Feast.
Below the message was the schedule of the different Feasts.
Maybe I will go, maybe I won’t. We’ll see.
In 2014, I walked inside the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC) and started crying. People must have thought me mad for I was crying from start to finish of The Feast. I was full of regrets for turning my back on God. I realized I made a mistake and I was full of remorse.
Lord, I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me? I won’t do it again. I won’t run away from you again. I won’t harden my heart again. I’ve learned my lesson. Please forgive me.
Whatever happens, I promise, I won’t let go again. You are all-knowing. You know what’s best for me. How great You are, oh my God!
You know, the topic that Sunday was about service. I signed up right away and became a member of the Prayer-Over Shepherding Healing Ministry.
A year later, I underwent several formation pro-grams of The Feast Bay Area and I am currently halfway through the Feast Discipleship Program.
Months after I joined and served at The Feast, I have reaped financial rewards. At this time, I’d gone into a clothing business and to my surprise, my sales grew. In May this year, I found a new job.
But nothing beats the feeling that my God is holding my hand again. And that I am going through life with Him by my side.
Through the ups and downs of my life, I promise to give my total surrender to God’s will and to His plans for He knows what’s best for me.
I have one more prayer though, that someday I will be able to bring my sons to The Feast and together as one family, we will be serving the Lord.
Back to the Church
I attend Mass in our parish now and it makes my heart glad when my often sons go with me. I try to attend Mass not only on Sundays, especially now that I know how important it is for my soul and my eternal future. When my work schedule allows, I even go on a regular day.
Yes, it’s good to be back in the Catholic fold. How foolish of me to have gone astray!
Psalm 62:1 best describes the state of my mind and soul right now: “My soul rests in God alone; my salvation comes from Him,”