God is Not Silent When We Suffer

BY CHERRYLYN SOMCIO

I am a Filipino working as a government auditor in Pohnpei, Federated States of Micronesia. I love listening to motivational and inspirational talk in YouTube. I love reading books, watch movies and just chill out. When the pandemic came, I worried that Pohnpei will go under lockdown like the rest of the world. So I learned how to bake and do gardening, hoping to earn from this. I am also learning photography. My friend and I also have small business in the Philippines. After work, I will call my business partner to talk about updates, challenges and plans for our business. I accidentally discover the Feast way back in 2015. At that time, I was suffering from depression (although I was not aware about it then) During that time, I was not aware of “depression”. I could not understand what is happening to me. I could not sleep and I am literally awake 24 hours and nobody knew what I was going through. I do not know how to explain and who to talk to.

One night. I came across The Feast in YouTube. The preaching of Brother Bo Sanchez regarding God’s love moved me. I was crying that night until I ended up sleeping. I got addicted to the Feast that the following day I searched for the old videos of the Feast when it was still being heldn in Valle Verde. During that time, I still do not know about depression but I know I have peace every time I listened to the Feast.

From there on, I could not sleep without listening to the Feast. And when I had a vacation in the Philippines, I went to attend Feast PICC AM session. Before pandemic, I would constantly watch my favorite Feast episodes. But because of pandemic, I am very grateful that I can watch many inspirational talks provided by The Feast.

Actually, way back in 2011, one of my friend in law school had already invited me to listen to Brother Bo. She just mentioned the name of Brother Bo and I immediately said yes.The first time I attended, nothing major really happened to me. I went to church, did my novena and sometimes, I prayed the rosary. But at that time, I did not know God personally – I do not know who God is and my relationship with Him is not that strong yet.

Changes started to happen when depression hit me again in 2018. This time it got worse. I experienced loss of appetite, anxiety, sleep problems and looking at death. But this time, because I am aware of what it is I am suffering from. I somehow got to recognize the illness through the video of Brother Bo. Sanchez where he shared about depression. Though in the eyes of my friends, co-worker and the community I was doing good and I looked happy, deep inside it was really hard. I felt like I am dying.

It’s like wearing mask to show that you are happy and doing good. I then went to see a professional to confirm that it was really a depression.

I had a lot of “why’s” to God. And I did not receive any answer but instead, problem after problem arrived. My father was diagnosed with leukemia. I was really fighting very hard, I want him to live longer. I choose to stay here in Pohnpei so I can still provide the necessary financial needs. I was really praying hard to God to heal him but, after only 3 months, my father died.

I was really devastated, I really felt helpless. I do not know where I got back my strength but, looking back, it is only God who gave me the necessary strength. Now, I know why God did not answer my prayer when I asked him to spare the life of my father. Because just after four months, pandemic came. My family already had a hard time looking for blood for my father (and that was before pandemic). Imagine if he was still alive during the pandemic? We would have been so helpless and unable to do anything.

I was already serving God before I learned about The Feast. But The Feast helped me to strengthen my relationship with God. Through the Feast I learned to talk to God and tell Him what I really feel. I am an introvert. I really cannot express myself well. But every time I pray, I can express and tell Him everything, even my weaknesses. I can be vulnerable to Him, and He always listens to me.

Through the Feast I was able to learn to accept and love myself. For the longest time, I do not like myself. I always compare myself to others. I always long for the word “acceptance”. The Feast helped me to love myself – because God loves me unconditionally. It is a long journey, but that journey helps me to know more about God.